Strange fruit

Strange fruit reminds me of Billie Holidays song about the lynching of African Americans in the early 1900's, thinking about the slaughter of so many innocent people makes me feel sick.

Today i have been making smoothies with my youngest daughter, mango and strawberry, which i though was a strange combination, hence the strange fruit thoughts. It often suprises me how I let such negative thoughts finding their way into my mind.

I don't always recognise the patterns but some days its easy, i may be cycling to work and a driver passes a little close, my thoughts turn to the sort of things that i would like to do to them as punishment. Obviously the punishment out weighs the crime significantly as my mind exaggerates the supposed "crime" this person has committed. I'm pretty sure 50 lashes is quite severe for being in a rush and causing me to flinch.

As my mood gets driven down by each negative though i usually start to cotton on to what's happening and try to change the thought patterns to a more positive direction, often having sympathy for the poor souls stuck in their tin boxes in queues of traffic, going no where fast and having to stop at all the red lights, although many seem to ignore red light and road signs alike.

I get great pleasure from cycling to work each day and much prefer this to driving, it can be difficult when the weather is poor but using the correct clothing is a cure for all bad weather. I was once told that there is no such thing as the wrong weather, it has more to do with the wrong clothes.

I recently got caught in a sudden down pour whilst cycling to work, while getting changed into my work clothes I realised that I had forgotten to pack any spare underwear, which left me with a dilemma! Do I keep the wet boxers on and sit at my desk with steam rising from my groin in the vain hope that no one notices or should I “go commando” and suffer chaffing all day?

Its Monday already (1am Sunday night / Monday morning) where did the weekend go? The start of a new week and I am allowing myself to be optimistic about the week ahead, i plan to remain positive throughout and make it to the weekend without any further “situations”. Fingers crossed :)

I shall be kind to myself, doing all I can to avoid situations which are likely to cause me stress, instead I will get my head down and take one day at a time. We often forget to be kind to our selves, why do we put our selves in situations which could have a significant negative effect on our well being? Its not smart.

Over the years I have learned many ways to be kind to myself and often neglect to use them. This is not smart.

This week I also hope to be smarter.

Cycling, the new running

When i woke this morning i new i wouldn't be doing any running in the mountains, not only did my head say no but my left shin said "no way Dave". So Debbie and i drove home.

As we approached home Debbie said i should probably go out on the bike for a while as cycling is a good way to exercise without any impact on my joints/shins. As usual, good advice from Debbie so after a little nap (us old people like a nap in the day time) i went out on my road bike.

I cycled 37 miles with nearly 3000 foot of ascent at an average of 15.5 mph, my top speed (down a big hill) was 40 mph. On a bicycle 40 mph feels like 100 mph in a car, dangerous. The route included the longest continuous ascent in England, Cragg Vale, this ascent was part of the TDF in 2014 and the road is still covered in graffiti from over zealous fans.

I ride a reasonable new hybrid bike that is my day to day commuter, my usual ride is 4.5 miles each way to work and back. 37 miles is a long way for me but it was fun so i hope to use this as my way to keep a reasonable level of fitness, i should be able to run a little so the Lakeland 100 race should still be viable (fingers crossed). Perhaps i may even swim a little.

My Hybrid - Scott Sub 20

My legs hurt but i feel good, if a little distant from reality but i'm going to call it a good day, at least so far.

In recent days i had decided to share more of my life than is usual for me in the hope that writing about how i feel will help me with some of the things i am struggling with. My running partner called to see me, a short social visit but we have both suffered with injury recently and not had chance to catch up, it makes such a difference. I have also had some messages and emails from friends reminding me that they care, you know who you are guys. Thank you, it means a lot to me.

I will continue to share in the hope that it keep on making a difference to my life, some of it may even be worth reading. (no promises) 

Joss Naylor reccie

This is my first Joss Naylor Challenge reccie.

Debbie and I set off to the Lake district at 8 this morning  and I was walking out of Pooley Bridge by 10.30, fortunately the beginning of the route passes through a massive campsite close with good facilities for ..er.. comfort breaks..

High street (i think)

I suffer with shin splints in my left leg and it has been giving me some real problems recently, focusing on mountain running helps as the pace is much steadier and of course the ground is softer so the chance to get out in the mountains is a real treat and I do love the lake district.

The first leg of the reccie was much tougher than I expected but I'm pretty sure that has more to do with my mental state than physical fitness. 6 hours to Dunmail raise is way off schedule but it was my first reccie and I did get the second half of the reccie just about bang on schedule.

Found this at the top of the descent to the Kirkstone pass inn, possibly a marker for the Joss Naylor challenge?

So after a poor start to the day it did pick up and i had a good run. We are staying in the lake district tonight so no traveling in the morning. A good sleep and  hopefully Sunday will go as well.

Riding the roller coaster, part 1 - Darkness

When I go to sleep at night I don’t worry about where I may wake up, although I often hope it’s a better place than before I went to sleep. When I wake I usually know where I am today.

Usually I wake to the sound of my alarm and sit up in bed with a groan, scratch my balls and stagger off to the bathroom for a hot shower. The shower drags me kicking and screaming into reality and this is when I know for sure.

If I wake with the darkness I know it going to be a long day, I feel the distress and try to convince myself it’s going to be ok, I can make it through the day and get back to the safety of my bed.

But some days it just not like that, some days I wish I could hide away, the day can be so long, I feel lethargic, drowsy and disinterested, its take all my strength to push up the shop front and try to appear normal. Convince people I’m just like them, an ordinary every day bloke doing his best for the greater good, when what I really want is to cry and scream, let the anguish drag me down and consume me.

It’s easy to drive people away with anger, with negativity. Some days I get to work early so I don’t have to speak to anyone, i put my headphone in and hide, from everyone, from everything, the whole world. Just leave me alone so I can make it to one more sleep.

Recently there have been more bad days than good but i'm a fighter so I keep going, its only when the wheels fall off you realise that you haven't been “right” for a while, it sneaks up on you and bang, you are on your arse again. The problem with this is the damage it can do to the people around you, relationships and jobs suffer because thats where you have the most invested, unfortunately you don't know until the damage is done and often its too late.

Imagine hanging from a cliff, the strain in your arms makes every muscle scream, your fingers are raw and slipping closer to the edge, you are being sucked into the darkness below. It hurts so bad feel like you just can't hold on any longer and want to let go, let go of the pain, the constant suffering and slip gently into sleep, the nice kind of sleep without dreams and without waking.

I'm sure its not supposed to feel good but the truth is, some days it does.

Getting your head down

There’s nothing I like better than getting my head down and a going for it, I don’t mean sprinting or running as fast as I can, although that can be fun too, no I mean grinding out the miles on a long run, mile after mile and day after day.

Generally speaking I prefer to run trail or fell but these days I find myself happy to run on any surface at any time, day or night, winter spring or summer. Sometimes there is nothing better than running along the canal tow path fully focused on running a comfortable pace for as long as necessary.

Chris and Den on a road somewhere in Lincolnshire

On a recent long distance, multi-day run, i awoke on day five and despite some very tender blisters, i found myself looking forward to long undulating roads with gentle climbs, just so I could be with my inner most thoughts and feel the miles drift by. At times like these the pace is usually a little quick for the usual chatter and it becomes all about the running, the challenge of keeping going, it is truly amazing how many miles you can cover when the only thing that matters is running.

I consider myself an average runner, happy if i make the top 20% of an ultra marathon, however when i have the chance to get my head down I feel like I’m living the dream.

Jog free 

Hoka Hoka

These are my second pair of Hoka running shoes, Hoka Mafate 3 trail, will I never learn?

The first pair were Hoka one one Stinson trail shoes which I bought for running the Pennine way in 2014.The Pennine Way is a National Trail in England, with a small section in Scotland. The trail runs 267 miles from Edale, in the northern Derbyshire Peak District, north through the Yorkshire Dales and the Northumberland National Park and ends at Kirk Yetholm in Scotland.

The Hoka one one Stinson trail shoes felt great from the moment I first slipped into them, until I stood up and became aware just how thick the sole is. Add this to the rolling motion and the combination has a strange effect on your balance, at first I found it difficult to stand up straight and found myself constantly correcting my balance.

However, as soon as you start running it all begins to make sense, the first thing you notice is the immense amount of cushioning, running becomes floating, the shoes soaking up the impact of each step. The hard trail under your feet becomes a lush grassy lawn which caresses your feet and pushes you effortlessly onward.

The rolling motion which supposedly helps you burn up the trails does just that, it’s quite unique and does genuinely feel like you are being  propelled along the trails.

Ok, so that’s the good bits, unfortunately there are also some obvious failings with these shoes that more than make up for the great performance.  

I ran most of the 267 mile route with these shoes and the most noticeable fault is the lack of grip on anything other than dry trails. Wet trails are a nightmare, slipping and sliding become normal and great caution is required to avoid falling and getting injured. We coined the term “Hoka Hoka” to describe the amusement of my dancing around on muddy trails.

The second and perhaps most disappointing failing is the durability, after a sometimes entertaining and mostly enjoyable 7 days of trail running I discovered a split in the upper where it joins the sole on the inner edge of the shoe and on closer inspection I could see that the whole right shoe was lower on the inner edge like the sole had been compressed, I also had to replace the speed laces as they had started to fray.

After less than 300 miles and only one trail, the shoes were starting to fall apart. I paid £110.00 from Pete Bland sports http://www.peteblandsports.co.uk/  which is a lot of money to me. I had seen several friends wearing these shoes and good reports from them had influenced my decision to buy some myself, however it soon became aware that poor durability was a common failing as my friends began to report similar issues.

Anybody with an ounce of sense would learn to avoid such overpriced poor quality shoes, so why did I buy another pair of Hoka’s? This time I spent a little time reading reviews and decided the Hoka Mafate 3 trail shoes would be right for me, plenty of cushioning, a good amount of grip on the soles and much improved durability.

Again, I paid £110.00 from Pete Bland sports http://www.peteblandsports.co.uk/  which is still a lot of money, however I had decide to join some friends to run the “Wash”. The Wash is the square-mouthed bay and estuary on the northwest margin of East Anglia on the east coast of England, where Norfolk meets Lincolnshire. It is among the largest estuaries in the United Kingdom and is fed by the Rivers Witham, Welland, Nene and Great Ouse.

The sea bank runs from Hunstanton to Skegness and because you have to follow the various rivers inland to find a bridge on which to cross them, it is approximately 90 miles long and almost completely flat. Perfect to a long distance shoe like the Hoka’.

This trail has nothing particularly challenging about it other than the distance, so the 3 of us had decided to forgo the usual road support and run this self-supporting, buying food from the two towns we had to pass through along the way. We also decided to run this on the shortest day of the year to ensure we spent the longest night of the year on the flattest trails in the UK. Self-flagallation for a long distance trail runner who usually has the English Lake district for his running pleasure. This challenge is part of the “Totally pointless” series which has only recently been developed by a friend of mine.

(Self-flagellation is the act of hitting oneself with a whip as part of a religious ritual)

Back to the Hoka Mafate 3 trail running shoes.

The first thing I noticed was the apparent improved durability, the shoes felt much stronger and looked like they had been made better while still remaining ultra-light and rather good looking.

Getting the shoes on was the first challenge, despite buying them ½ a size bigger than normal, I struggled to get my feet inside the bloody shoes. The speed laces restrict the opening but with the use of a shoe horn i did eventually get them on and they felt comfortable, although a little firm.

After an initial short run I was happy enough and ran in them several more time to break them in ready for the “Wash” run.

King’s Lynn was the first stop after approximately 30 miles and I bought 2 large packets of strip plaster for the back of my feet where the shoes had started to create quite painful hot spots. A couple of layers of the plasters and problem solved, we were on our way again. Boston (Lincolnshire) was at 60 miles and one of our team of 3 dropped out here. Skegness was the finish and after 23 hours and 45 minutes of running my feet were killing me.

I have quite complex orthotics and suffer with Sesamoiditis which can be quite painful, after this 90 mile run my feet were blistered and I decided, that perhaps I had not given the Hoka’s enough chance to settle in before doing such a long distance in them.

Over the next two or 3 months the blistered settled and the spring multi day challenge soon arrived and what better shoe for running 280 miles over 7 days than a freshly broken in pair of Hoka Mafate 3’s. Day one and only 35 miles into the run I had 2 big painful blisters and no will to live. Blisters this bad with 245 miles still to run was definitely not good so I decided to switch to New balance road shoes.

Despite 6 & ½ days of pain the run was completed but I have learned a valuable lesson, unfortunately I’m still trying to work out just what that is. 

Bad day at the office...