Risk and reward

Ok. So why do we do it, take so many risks?

There must be a reason?

During a rare moment in front of the TV watching some program about people surviving against the odds i began to recount my own close escapes and wondered what drives me to do these things.

Sure i enjoy it, running gives me an amazing high when its going well but the risks associated with failure are so very high.

Firstly there is the risk to my sanity, as a person who suffers from depression i know that failing can (and often does) lead to weeks of despair and desperation where my mental health suffers because i just can’t be arsed. Every day i go without some sort of training i feel worse than the day before, until i get to a point where I’m just no fun at all. At this point i usually become aware that i have to do something before it too late.

There is also the risk of training injuries, which for me have been many and varied. In fact i find i am usually carrying several injuries at any one time and doing my best to train around them. Why don’t i just stop and let them heal? Will some of them ever heal?

There is the risk of testing my relationship to the point of braking of course. Running and all the other forms of training that goes with it can put an amazing strain on any relationship, ask my mate Chris A, who has been close to divorce on more than one occasion. Despite my partners tolerance of my dedication to sport above almost anything else i often still feel that it is a balancing act. How far can i push it, where is the line that i must not cross? Will she get fed up with my selfishness and walk away from it all?

There are also financial risks, have you seen the price of a pair of trainers these days? Trainers are a very small part of the cost of mountain running, travelling the 6 hours each way to Fort William in Scotland and back again, food, drink, special dietary needs and then the cost of equipment on top. Do this for a few weeks in a row and the costs really mount up. By the end of the summer i am usually in a financial mess and it takes until spring the following year to catch up, when it all starts again.

Work – spending most evenings and weekends either training or taking part in some challenge or another can sure take its toll on energy levels and i know that this makes my work suffer, there are days when i feel like i can barely stay awake at my desk and I’m damn sure the quality of work I’m doing is way below par. My colleagues suffer because every Monday they know that I’ll be tired, probably walking round like I’ve been the new boy on a prison wing, where some big thugs decided to treat me to some fun. They also know it will be Wednesday before I recover enough to be fully human.

My daughters don’t live with me, however they do come round to stay every other weekend and increasingly they have been expected to come along and watch Dad race, sometimes these races or support runs can go on for 10-12-14 hours, possibly over night. As much as they love me I’m sure that they would rather spend the time shopping or having quality time with Dad.

The mountains are a dangerous place; i have absolutely no doubt about this. They have had me in a minor way quite a few times and i have lost count of the number of times i have had lucky escapes. Often it’s not until i look back on an incident that i realise I’ve had a lucky escape, i remember an incident on the Nantile ridge, it was night, a little wet and i was jogging along the ridge peacefully when i slipped, slid on my arse over some rock and landed some 15 feet lower on another path, safely on both feet with only a bruised arse to show for it.

I may recount such an incident to someone at work and realise as i speak that i sound daft, like I’m telling some kind of tall story, these things cannot possibly have happened if I’m still here to talk about them. However i can probably recount a dozen incidents over the years where, looking back, i feel like i had a lucky escape or perhaps it was good judgment. What i do know for sure is that these incidents are all part of the risk and reward game.

So why do we take such risks? Hell why not. Why not find that nice little climb at the top of Penny ole wen? Why not take the Lords rake route up Sca Fell instead of the much safer Foxes tarn. Don’t simple avoid the risk but manage it, take control and own it.

Which brings me to another point – why do i so often have to do these things alone? Yes i know others have busy schedules but i do it alone anyway just for the extra buzz, i tell myself I’m being soft if i don’t.

Hell, just get out there and do it, are you a man or a mouse, i hear myself saying this and think – it can only lead to disaster but i still go out and do it, if i didn’t i would give myself such a hard time i would not be worth living with – its these occasions which can lead to a dive in my well being – if i bottle out i feel bad and get down. My alter ego knows this and uses it against me. It calls me names. Nasty names, names that make me feel bad about myself and destroys my confidence.

My alter ego is a crafty bugger though because he often works the other way, it says – i know you are tired but you can do it, push on to the top and it will get easy again, only 3 more summits to go and you are back at the car, we will call it quits for the day then. Forget that last leg, you can do it another day. Oh yeah, i bet. I know for sure when we get back to the car and get a brew we will be looking at the next climb, thinking – it’s not so bad, an hour and all the hard work will be done, it mostly downhill after that, go on Dave, get on with it. What you gonna say when people ask if you managed the 14 hour reccie you talked about? What excuse will you come up with this time?

Oh, err, it was raining, or i was err tired, i had a blister, i scratched my knee or maybe you will say you were sweating so phuking much it made your makeup run into your eyes and it stung a little. Go on, stop being soft get on with it. Fell runners don’t just give in because something hurts or they are bloody tired. 4 more hours and you have stood by your word, no having to explain why you failed again.

So this argument goes on i my head and invariably i push on, not always though and it’ these times that i believe lead to failure. If you don’t push hard enough and take enough calculated risks you are going nowhere. For me it is all part of the game, building the confidence, little by little, not letting your body yield to fatigue. It is not just your physical body that need to be trained, you have to train your mind also and every time i think “i can’t do this” but push on harder, i know i am increasing my mental fitness.. As most runners know, you are only as good as your weakest point.

I believe i have very little natural ability and didn’t run for sport until i was 40, so running in its self was a big challenge. For me, success in mountain running is about how hard i am willing to train, i have to reccie routes relentlessly before a race or challenge, i need to know that i can complete the challenge before i even start, mental fitness is often my weak link and if i don’t do things this way it often leads to failure.

When i first decided to have a go at the Bob Graham round i spent many hours on the FRA forum and Bob Wightmans web site. Preparing maps and schedules, making route choices and finally spending days in the lakes doing reccies.

Like most people i reccied one leg at a time, then i started to string them together and then its big days back to back. Finally i set off at midnight on a final reccie and decided to see how far i could get. It took me 14 hours to get as far as Bowfell where thick clag and heavy rain stopped me. It took me a further 2 hours to get back to the car where my partner was waiting to console me. However it gave me confidence in myself, despite feeling bad that i had to give in before i was ready, i knew deep inside that i had what it takes. I had to keep training hard and help out on some supports and i could do it.

On the big day i had a great team and never doubted that i would do it. The rewards are absolutely massive, there is truly no feeling in the world like completing a challenge that you never imagined you would be good enough for.

So what next? Well in the sport of mountain running in the UK it was an obvious path, the Paddy Buckley round.

There is no doubt about it, i am a crap navigator, but doing a reccie for the first time and navigating a leg of the Paddy for example, feels good, it’s a great sense of achievement and so it brings the high, the feeling that i can succeeded when other can’t (not many i admit). I have safely (ish) navigated myself through mountains, from point A to point B and arrived in one piece. Some times without incident but to be honest there is usually something that happened along the way that i will be keeping to myself. Sometimes sharing is not caring.

The years i spent training for and attempting the Paddy were tough but there were so many victories along the way, nailing the climb through the quarries out of Llanberis, the amazing run down the ascent next to Bristly Ridge, getting the line right coming off Tryfan, finding the final scramble at the top of Penny Ole Y Wen, small victories but in the moment they belong to me and they feel so damn good. Each time i am on top of the world, the rush can last for weeks.

Completing the Paddy Buckley round is without doubt the hardest challenge i have ever done, which of course also brings with it the highest high.

Am i an adrenaline Junkie?

An adrenaline junkie is a person addicted to the thrill of the adrenaline rush: the exciting, pleasurable effect produced when the adrenal glands dump a large dose of adrenaline into the bloodstream. The adrenaline rush usually occurs when the body senses danger, the "Fight or Flight" moment. Your heart rate increases, pleasure-giving endorphins are released by the pituitary gland and your breathing rate ramps up. The result of all this extra oxygen, energy and hormones is the adrenaline high, a euphoric feeling that can last for hours.

Sports are a natural place for adrenaline junkies. Every day, thousands of adrenaline junkies strap on a parachutes, climb into a kayak or run up and down mountains. But does this really make us adrenaline junkies. If wanting to feel good about myself gives me that label then so be it, however, i don’t consider myself an adrenaline junkie. I wish it was so simple.

To be honest i’m not sure if the rewards are greater than the risks or if the greater risks offers greater rewards but i do know i won’t stop doing it until i can’t do it anymore.

A night time reccie of the Glyders

It was after my successful Bob Graham Round that i first decided i was going to attempt the Paddy Buckley Round i was aware that route knowledge was going to be key, although there were people i new had attempted it, i also new i would have to learn the route myself and be prepared to navigate much of the route when it came down to it on the big day.

So over the following 2 and a half years and in my usual fashion i reconnoitered the route, all 60 miles and 47 mountain summits (although some of these summits are merely tiny bumps on a mountain ridge), i spent most of my free weekends either learning the route or making attempts to get around. Its during these reccies that you have to decide which section will be your “night leg” (or legs) and i decided that Aberglaslyn to PGC and on over to Llanberis were going to be my night sections. So i reccied them many times in day light, until i felt i new them well enough to reccie them solo at night, after all, who else did i know who was prepared to do this? (i don’t know anybody daft enough anyway).

Night time reccies in the Welsh mountains on your own may not seem like the most sensible thing to do but a 24hr challenge means you are going to cover some of the route in the dark and someone will have to navigate. True to form it took me many nights to get the route sorted and on the big day my knowledge certainly helped.

Recently i was asked to help out on the route over the Glyders section, obviously i was more than happy to agree and even offered to navigate.  Imagine my horror when i learned the Glyders were to be completed at night and low cloud was forecast. Shit, thats not ideal. (The Glyders are 2 mountain tops in Snowdonia national park Wales) So i reverted back to the formula that works for me, reccie the route at night in similar conditions. With only a week to do this i took the opportunity on a Wednesday evening after work to drive 2 1/2 hours down to Snowdonia and do it. The usual routine was followed, Debbie would meet me back at Ogwen in 3 hours and if i failed to arrive in a further 2 hrs she would put the flag up. (get help)

Setting off from Ogwen the plan was, walk up the Devils stair case, pick off Glyder Fawr, Glyder Fach and take the path next to Bristly Ridge, down and across to Tryfan, having done the route dozens of times in the day and a couple of times on clear nights i was happy enough to be doing this solo. I set off at 8.30 and as i walked up the Devils stair case i could see the clag starting to cover the summits, i needed to do this in poor weather so was happy to continue.

Reaching the top of the stair case it was fully dark and i had about 20 foot of visibility, i have been using Veiwranger mapping software on my smart phone recently and it had proved to be invaluable. The maps are Ordinance survey so very accurate, i also had a paper “back up” map in my bag of goodies. I ascended into the cloud and easily found the summit of Glyder Fawr, although the clag had gotten much worse and a fine mist was covering my glasses and making it difficult to see the screen of my phone.

I also became aware that i had perhaps chosen the wrong shoes as the rocks were very slippery and i was having trouble staying upright. (watching you would have thought i was drunk) Anyone who has been in the clag at night knows you get much better visibility if you keep you torch light below your eye line. So here i am heading towards Glyder Fach, torch in my right hand, phone with mapping software in my left, slipping and sliding over the rocks, looking over the top of my glasses at the rocky path and occasionally checking my phone to make sure i’m still on the path.

Having run/walked this route so many times before i recognised familiar clusters of rock and technical sections of path on the way over to Glyder Fach and although the mist on my glasses was becoming a problem, i knew i was heading the right direction, albeit much slower than i wanted.

The slippery rock was really challenging and slowing me down as i had to take extra care to stay vertical, aware that a fall with both hands full was not a good idea. About an hour slower that i hoped, i found the summit, taking stock of the weather and the extra time i had taken so far i decided to continue to the path near Bristley Ridge and follow it down past Tryfan and on to the road. Tryfan would have to wait for another time.

My partner would be waiting for me at Ogwen and i was already going to be an hour late. Our rule is to allow an extra 2 hours before raising the flag.

After wiping my glasses yet again and struggling to see my phone i found the route and carefully headed across the rock towards the final descent. Unfortunately, between my attempts to hold my torch, read my phone map and watch where i was heading, i managed to fall and smash the screen of my phone. So between the foggy glasses and damaged screen the phone was now almost useless.

Time to hunker down and get the map and compass out, not my best way of navigating but i usually manage to get by ok. I found shelter just off the path under a huge flat rock and grabbed a chewy bar whist i searched for the map, only to find i was still carrying a map of Fort William from the previous weeks run. Oh shit. Sitting under the rock, warm and dry i cleaned my glasses and managed to turn the phone so i could see about half of the map and decided to continue on, pretty sure in my mind that i was only 3 or 4 hundred yards from the top of the descent at Bristly Ridge.

Reading half of a phone screen with glasses covered in mist was really not working out for me, so after half an hour or so of wondering around in circles i was aware that things were getting serious. I know from previous experience in this area that there are many routes off Glyder Fach, most of them are too dangerous to even contemplate without climbing gear so after finding the top of a couple of paths and deciding it was just too dangerous to continue i found some shelter.

Shit, i was in a spot of bother and had to make my mind up what the safest course of action was, i had dry shelter and a change of clothes, full water proof body cover, a warm hat, gloves, food and a survival bag. I certainly had enough layers to stay warm and could hunker down until first light and probably find my way off quite easily. I had a double capacity battery in my phone and a spare so i could be in signal the whole time if things got worse. Or i could risk trying to find the path down.

There was a third option which is what i decided on, i would phone Debbie and tell her i had a situation and was calling Mountain Rescue for some advice, i was not in any real danger but all this could change if the weather turned. The Mountain Rescue people told me to stay put and they would discuss the best course of action and come back to me.

Happy that all would be well i hunkered down in my warm dry little hole and read a book on my phone, much easier with dry glasses even with only half a screen. I resolved to stay until first light and then take the safer miners path down to the main road. Being warm and relatively comfortable i had a short sleep and was woken by my phone ringing, it was mountain rescue, they informed me that the weather was not due to improve until late morning or early afternoon so they would be sending 2 people up to guide me off the mountain. This would take a couple of hours so i settled down for a little more sleep and wait to be “rescued”.

Obviously sleep was not happening, i was very embarrassed about having to call Mountain Rescue and felt that i was wasting their time. However i resolved that they knew their stuff and if they were sending people up for me they must feel that this was necessary. True to their word it took about 2 hours and i was greeted by 2 guys who were to guide me back to safety. It took us an hour and a half to get back to “Foggy base” (Mountain Rescue headquarters), the guys were kind and helpful and made sure i was ok. After a couple of warm cups of tea i was driven back to the bunkhouse, much to the relief of my partner Debbie.

I was well prepared for the conditions, i had plenty of clothing, full body waterproof clothing, food, drinks, a backup torch, spare phone battery and plenty of experience of the route. The mistakes i made were, wrong backup map, no GPS watch (which has the route on and big arrows to follow) and perhaps the wrong choice of foot wear. Although i’m not sure any foot wear would have helped much, the Brooks Cascadia 7’s were shite.

2 days later i was back in the Glyders at night, in the clag and was safely navigated through by the 3 other people with me, the correct map and a GPS unit really do make all the difference. 

Now i have to put up with crappy news paper stories about the idiot that went up a mountain in Wales with a map of Scotland and try to rebuild my confidence. I may also have to put up with having the piss taken by friends but thank fully the only damaged caused was to my phone and my pride. However, the lesson i learned was much bigger.

The Paddy Buckley Round

The Paddy Buckley Round is a long distance fell running challenge in Snowdonia, Wales. The route is a circuit of just over 60 miles long taking in 47 mountain summits. The aim is for participants to complete the route, on foot. Although no time limit is set, an arbitrary 24 hours is applied, similar to the Bob Graham Round. Runners may start at any point on the circular route (finishing at the same place) and may run the course in either a clockwise or anticlockwise direction. The route takes in the well known high mountain ranges of Snowdon, the Glyderau and the Carneddau as well as the slightly less well visited ranges of Moel Siabod, the Moelwynion, Moel Hebog and the Nantlle Ridge. The route was devised by the Paddy Buckley, Hence the Paddy Buckley Round. (C/O http://www.gofar.org.uk/)

I have had 3 previous attempts at the Paddy Buckley round with varying degrees of success so had decided this was my last attempt, i was also keen to complete in less than 24hrs but TBH, was happy to just get round in any amount of time.

Waiting to set off - a little nervous

Leg1 – Aberglaslyn to Pont Caer Gors (Argument car park) Distance: 8.8 miles, Ascent: c.5100ft, Time 4hrs (approx)

With me on this leg were Helen Skelton and Jules Coalman.

Not number 1 on my list of favored legs because the first ascent, Bryn Banog, is a bog fest at the bottom and too short at the top. To my disappointment the first ascent brought with it my first doubts and i could feel myself drifting into a dark place, a cloud coming over me and it takes all my effort to keep moving and not sit down and call it day. (as i did only 3 hours into my third attempt)

Jules, myself and Helen

3 weeks previously i had decided to reccie the first 2 legs over night, starting at 9pm just like i had planned for the actual attempt, things went well that night and boosted my confidence for the big day.

So here i was on the big day and things were going wrong already, it’s been an hour, WTF is going on? What is wrong with me? Luckily for me a late addition to the support team had been a stranger, Helen Skelton, who i had been told was a very capable runner and great fun to have around, with the added bonus of having a good knowledge of the route. I also had Jules Coalman along, whom i have a great respect for as a real quality runner.

Helen has a potty mouth (her words not mine) she puts emotion into her conversation and this sometimes includes swearing, which i found really quite amusing coming from a young woman, in turn this tell me it’s ok for me to use a little bad language. We are soon taking the piss and making daft comments, which of course distracts me from the drama going on in my head and my mood begins to pick up. Despite my moaning, Helen and Jules managed to navigate almost perfectly for the rest of the leg, apart from one tiny error where they were daft enough to listen to me.

When we arrived in PGC i was feeling pretty good and despite my nagging doubts i was keen to get going on the next leg, unfortunately this was without Helen as she had manage to “tweak” her ankle and was forced to drop out at this change over.

Leon

Leg2 - Pont Caer Gors to Llanberis - Distance: 13.1 miles, Ascent: c.6100ft, Time 5hrs (approx)

My favourite leg of the whole round and i have Chris Armour, Andrew McCraken and Johnny Moore supporting.

The first ascent to Crag Wen is a real slog, its pure horrible boggy hell that seems to drag on for ever and true to early form the cloud starts to ascend and the doubts are back again.

On my reccie 3 weeks earlier i had hammered this climb and taken 10 minutes off the schedule, feeling great at the top and looking forward to the climb up to Snowdon.

I feel worried that i have asked Johnny to navigate and Andrew was leading the way following a trace on his GPS. I had met Andrew on a BG support some weeks previously and found him to be great fun and very good in the support/navigation role with some fantastic idea’s about food strategies. Obviously i asked if he would support me on my PBR attempt, now i was thinking “Bloody hell” it’s all going to end in a pile of shit (like leg2 of my first attempt) with navigator and support people arguing about route choice and really doing my head in.

As it turns out i was totally wrong, Johnny was really quite chilled and seemed to have no issues with this, spending most of the leg keeping me reassured and pointing out any route tweaks that you can only get from a good local knowledge, while Chris and Andrew led the way. We arrived in Llanberis a little up on schedule, much to the surprise of the support crew who had only just arrived. Johnny, Andrew and Chris had done a great job on me and i was feeling like this whole Paddy Buckley thing could actually be possible.

On my reccie 3 weeks earlier i had asked Debbie to have a rest and not bother to meet me for this change over. I had taken a half hour rest a bought some food and drink at the local Spar shop. Without road support i had no choice other than push on and do the next leg to Ogwen, although i was deliberately taking my time i was also still feeling good, so doing a third leg was no problem.

Andrew 

Leg3 – Llanberis to Ogwen - Distance: 9.3 miles, Ascent: c.5900ft, Time: 4hrs (ish)

Joining me on this leg were Chris Rainbow and Mark Ruscoe.

This leg has a lot of ascent for only 9.3 miles covered, starting with the first one out of Llanberis up to Elidir Fach, this is a great ascent, steep all the way and very honest, what you see is what you get, no false summits. It was a real help to have done this climb 3 weeks earlier, my confidence was high and i was feeling good.

Chris and Mark talked a lot about football on the first ascent and i learned that Liverpool football team are not as good as Manchester United football team. Liverpool players like to bite their opponents and historically, Liverpool are apparently less successful then Manchester United. I also learned that Manchester United have a new manager who was, apparently, only temporary. Chris and Mark moved on from talking about football to taking the piss out of each other, Mark was kind enough to share a couple of stories about his time in the Army. Although interesting i think sharing them here might be a little inappropriate.

Before i realised how well we were progressing we had arrived at the foot of the Glyders, the ascent up to Glyder Fawr is fairly technical but another one of those climbs that gives just what you see. We made good progress over the Glyders with lots of jumping from rock to rock, it felt good to be out there and i was having a good time. The descent off the Glyders to Tryfan is fairly technical as is the ascent and i messed up a little and lost some time.

The descent off Tryfan is very steep and rocky, in my rush to make back a little time i slipped and bang my head on a rock, luckily it’s a part of my body i don’t use much so no harm done. When these things happen you could be easily distracted, so its important to get straight up and push on. I could see Ogwen in the distance and the half way point of the round, i was feeling great and ready for one of my favorite climbs of the whole round.

On my reccie 3 weeks earlier i had gotten this far and still felt quite good, although way off schedule i didn’t want to miss the ascent up Penny Ole Wen so pushed on and completed the leg at Capel Curig. I had done 4 of the 5 legs in 19.5 hours and had cracking blisters on my feet to prove it.

Keep moving - stops the midges biting

Chaos in the car park at Llanberis

Leg 4 - Ogwen to Capel Curig - Distance: 9.5 miles, Ascent: c.4100ft, Time 3 hrs (perhaps)

With me on this leg were Chris Rainbow, Mark Ruscoe and Leon Hockham.

The ascent up Pen yr Ole Wen is a monster with lots of scrambling and a cracking scramble/climb at the top, although Leon is not familiar with this ascent he took the lead setting a good steady pace and unbelievably finding the scramble/climb near the top. For the rest of this leg there is plenty of good running, i was feeling good and the company was great. The almost constant banter keeps me focused on enjoying the whole experience. For a change i found a cracking line off the final descent arriving right at the bridge. As we ran into Capel Curig i felt quietly confident of getting around even if it took longer than 24 hours.

Leg 5 -Capel to Aberglaslyn - Distance: 19.9 miles, Ascent: c.7900ft, Time 7hrs (maybe)

With me on this leg were Chris Armour and Matt Forbes.

Sat in the car park at Capel Curig i struggled to eat any real food and became aware that i still had a third of the mileage left to do. I was a little down on schedule and starting to wonder if it was a mistake to leave the longest leg until last. This leg is really 2 in 1, the first being from Capel to the quarries and then 5 good ascents to the long run in at the end.

Molly looking after me at Capel Curig

Mark & Chris A getting ready

There was no chance of quitting so i forced down what food i could and stood up ready to go, i got that awful feeling in my chest that says something bad is going to happen but forced myself to think positive and start moving. Chris and Matt were by my side and we set off to whoops and cheers from my support crew.

Moel Siabod is a long, long drag and i was happy to arrive at the top, the following descent is peaceful and we settled in to a gentle jog, so i took this opportunity to have a good moan at Chris and Matt, obviously this made me feel much better.The following hills started to become a blur and i could feel myself sinking into a hole (metaphorically speaking, i didn’t actually sink into a hole) negativity was creeping into my head and for the next hour i moaned for England.

Descending down from Carnedd y Cribau i had decided i would walk the rest of the round and forget about getting round in under 24hrs. However Chris Armour brought out his secret weapon (not the taste of paradise) i noticed a group of people sat by the gate and as we got closer realised it was a group of friends who had been supporting earlier. I was so pleased to see them my spirits began to lift and i started to nurse the idea of a sub 24hrs round again. Cheers Chris

From here to the quarries it gets a bit blurred again but Chris and Matt kept feeding me gels and making sure i took on plenty of liquids. Arriving at the quarry i became aware that i had forgotten to give up, this led to the realisation that, regardless of time i would complete the round, however i was pretty sure i would not get under 24hrs. Completing in less than 24hrs is not essential to get your name on “the list” but there is a certain amount of pride in doing so and i am the sort of person who would consider it un-finished business. Shallow? Perhaps it is.

Up to this point the weather had played along but the forecasted rain began, heading towards Foel Ddu and the nasty little steep ascent to the top, i kept telling myself, you can do this, ignore the rain, just keep moving, its the last leg, run if you can but don’t stop for anything. Moel yr hydd was next followed by Molwyn Bach and Molwyn Mawr. A quick run back down to the quarry and another good line by Matt, left us with one last ascent. At the foot of Cnict i looked up the final ascent and wondered why i had left this one until last, I have done this climb many times and it can be tough, but Matt and Chris pushed on relentlessly and told me to put my head down and keep moving.

Since completing my Bob Graham Round in 2010 i have reccied and trained for this round relentlessly, most of my weekends have been about training for this and after each failed attempt i said i would not consider another, yet i never stopped thinking about it. (Although i never admitted this to anyone, not even myself) The Paddy Buckley Round has dominated my thoughts for the best part of 2 and a half years and finally i was cresting the summit of Cnict.

The end

Chris and Matt had done a good job of convincing me that i could do it and with enough time left to complete the final descent and couple of road miles, it was in the bag.

Running into the carpark at Aberglaslyn i felt a huge rush of emotion, It may have taken 4 attempts but i had done it. 23hrs & 42 minutes.

Thanks go out to every single person who has helped and encouraged me over the last 2 and a half years. These people had faith in me, they believed in me even when i stopped believing in myself. Every one who came out to support on the day, how do i thank you enough?

Debbie’s daughter Caroline gave up yet another weekend to support me through this and my youngest daughter Molly came along this time on her first ever road support. A great big thanks to both of you.

Mostly i have to thank my life partner Debbie who has shown a level of commitment to me and my sport that no man could ask for.

Runners routines and rituals

Runners routines and rituals or Controlling the uncontrollable.

Runners like any other athlete develop coping mechanisms, routines and rituals. (or nervous ticks)

Listening to the same song, shaking you head from side to side, performing a particular stretch routine, making the sign of the cross or putting a certain shoe on first. Runners employ many methods in order to get into the zone, many of them with no logical basis. The objective is to try to block out the environment, focusing all thoughts into one, and above all reinforce the idea that everything is ok.

Superstitions, fixations, ideas or routines, call it what you want, but most runners need a 'safe place'. They need to repeat a sequence of actions, however insignificant, to help them concentrate and stay focused. If you did a survey many of us would admit to the same procedures, but each uses his own little mechanism to try to have a sense of control over something that is beyond control. The weather, injury or even failure, these are just some of the drawbacks of long distance running, but still most runners convince themselves that they can be overcome or avoided if they just keep following the routine.

Concentration, disconnection, abstraction, responses to fear, these are all area’s that can be trained and over a long race are almost evenly combined. Unfortunately, while most of us long distance runners are “elite athletes” and act as such to many extents, we neglect to take care of certain aspects that are more important than other. Many extremely talented runners have been left behind due to their bad habits, which they fail to deal with when their performance slumps.

Training daily, eating a healthy diet and resting is the bread and butter of any reasonably good athlete. Training the mind in order to face the pressure of the big occasion is also fundamental to optimizing performance. Being able to concentrate and manage intense moments of concentration is basic. Runners must know how to structure a long race and stick to the plan (if they have one) and focus to perform at their best. There are two types of concentration: introspection, used to loosen up, and fixation on outside factors. Rest is also crucial to avoid excessive fatigue, both physical and metal, which can affect overall performance. The better your performance, the easier it is to rest. If you are too self-critical you may analyse all the reasons why and will not disconnect.

Do not confuse rest with isolation, which can sometimes form part of the period before concentration can begin. Finding a place to eat alone, escaping or just a nap, are some basic mechanisms to release tension and drive away negative thoughts. Some runners reach such levels of concentration that they are little more than zombies, their bodies roaming the finish area after a race, but their thoughts elsewhere.

'Controlling the uncontrollable' also applies to fear, certainly my biggest enemy. In sport there are many types of fear and one of the most significant is the fear of failure.The natural human response to fear is paralysis, avoidance and struggle. Runners who take a big fall and jump back up without pause are crazy!' It is a common enough remark but there is little truth to it. The accumulated level of adrenaline is such that a runners first thought after a fall in the middle of a race is, quick, I need to get back up because the race is nearly over,' not 'oh dear, I fell, i could have broken something!

Often my fear appears later when in the cold light of day i think again about the damage i could have possibly done. This fear is more a friend than foe, as it helps me to recognize my limits. In contrast, excessive fear or panic may block logical though, becoming a handicap for a runner or indeed any other person.

In order to understand a little more the grey matter of a runner we see self-belief as another way to face reality. Very important indeed. There is scientific evidence that positive or indeed negative thinking influences brain responses. But be careful, your self-belief must come from an objective place. And humility must be your universal force. Think that it is best to be positive, without losing sight that in order to win, every battle must be fought first. Arrogance and overconfidence are a fast track to failure.

That said, when you see a runner or other athlete doing some strange gesture or following a curious ritual, do not be surprised, it is their way of trying to get a sense of control over something that is basically uncontrollable.

A Cylist’s life

A Cylist’s life

I occasionally drive a car, hence i am a motorist, i do my best not to fall into any of these groups. I also recommend you don’t waste your time reading this drivel, however if you do decide to read on - YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

I am a cyclist, i ride to work and i work to ride, as a long distance runner i find cycling to be an important part of my training regime (as is chocolate & biscuits).

Over the years i have experienced the pitfalls of cycling but have managed to stay in one piece and, through adopting a defensive riding style, i have managed to remain pretty much damage free.

This has not happened by chance, if you want to stay upright on the roads today you have to treat motorists with the contempt they deserve. Many of them are mindless narcissistic idiots who have little focus on anything but self. Harsh but fair.

I like to put motorists into groups based on simple rules, which i make up as i go along, i also allow myself to name the groups, usually with something derogatory, this is because it amuses me and in my mind its ok.

Using what i call the “Ricker scale” i give each group a mark from 10, 1-4 are minor annoyances and any self respecting cyclist should spot these easily, scores between 5 and 10 are awarded to “special” people who excel, even for motorists.

Desperate Don the “Dick head” driver.

Desperate Don drivers are always in a rush and don’t care about other road users, in fact the more venerable the road user the less Don cares. Don is a bully who will squeeze through any gap, ignoring the cyclist who is in the way and the poor unsuspecting normal person who is unlucky enough to be coming the other way. Don scores 5 on the “Ricker scale”.

Pull out Pamela queen “Munter”.

Pamela is the motorist who pulls up to a T junction and takes time to follow the highway code, looking right, left and right again. Pamela ensures there are no other motorists coming from either direction before pulling out, directly into the path of an oncoming cyclist. The excuse for this manoeuvre is usually “i’m sorry i didn’t see you”. (despite the crappy dayglo jacket you are forced to wear and use of cycle lights even in daylight hours, all this and they “didn’t see you”) A keen cyclist can usually spot a Munter because they look you in the eyes before pulling out. Hence they only score a 6 on the “Ricker scale”.

Clark the “chocolate star fish”

Clark is often married to or partnered with a “Munter” and displays many of the same quirky behaviours. However Clark knows he is better than a “Munter” and has developed a technique called the “twat”. This technique takes time to perfect and the consequences of getting it wrong can be quite dramatic. The “twat” requires Clark to have patience and wait for the cyclist to be almost level before pulling out along side and gently drifting towards the kerb, forcing the cyclist to take evasive action or be squashed into the kerb. Obviously the cyclist can be accused of undertaking if this happens. Clark scores a 7 on the “Ricker scale”.

Brian the “Brain Donor”

Brian is a very desperate person, passing every cyclist you see is a must if you are Brian. No matter how stupid you look or how dangerous you have to drive you have to pass that cyclist. One of Brians favourite manoeuvres is to pass a cyclist, pull in front and brake for the queue of traffic that he is now moving very fast towards. It doesn’t matter that the cyclist will slow, pull out behind Brian and simply coast past the queue of cars in front, Brian included. Brian is dangerous because he doesn’t know he is a Brain Donor and Scores an impressive 8 on the “Ricker scale”.

Britney and Tyler

Britney and Tyler are Chavs, they Drive a Corsa 1.2 or Renault clio 1.2 with a noisy exhaust, a shopping list on the front wing and tyres that rub on the wheel arches. Britney and Tyler like to let cyclists get next to their driver door window before a bomber (see definition 5) falls off their joint into their lap, burning their crotch and causing them to turn right without bothering to indicate, taking the poor innocent cyclist along for the ride. It is also important to note, these vehicles often have smoked tail lights so they are impossible to see even if, by some strange coincidence, an indicator should be accidently activated. This is not the fault of the Chavs, many generations of in breeding and a poor up bringing mean they are destined to remain oblivious. Because of their unpredictability Britney and Tyler Score an 9 on the “Ricker scale”.

Taxi Drivers

For all of the above reasons Taxi drivers score a perfect 10 on the “Ricker scale”, any sane cyclist will avoid them at all costs.

This is mostly drivel written for the sole purpose of amusing me and allowing me to vent, all except for Taxi Drivers, our local Taxi Drivers are without doubt scum of the earth.

Wainwrights Coast to Coast

When i first though about running Wainwrights coast to coast route i intended to complete in 4 days but after some research decide 4 days would not do it justice and 6 would be better. 32 ish miles a day is enough to make it a challenge without spoiling the experience. Be sides that, i’m nearly 50 and 192 miles is an awful long way for an old man to run.

Initially i planned to run solo but after talking with some running friends and being asked by several if they could join me for a day or 2, i though it too good an opportunity to pass up, 6 days with friends totally consumed by running the Great British country side.

Monday, Day 1

I set off from St Bees in Cumbria, conscious of the long week ahead; i set a gentle pace and made my way across the first section to Enerdale Bridge. From here i took the high route over Red pike to Haystacks, if it’s worth doing its worth doing properly.

Way back in the early 90’s i was a motorcyclist, sunny Sundays were for terrorising motorists on the twisty A & B roads on the way to devils bridge at Kirkby Lonsdale.

There were a few years when i was really living the dream; my days were spent looking forward to the evenings and weekend when i would be out with my friends enjoying the fantastic local roads. Nothing else mattered and nothing was allowed to get in the way of a day out on the bikes.

Forget the dangers because they never really cross your mind, you are untouchable, indestructible and nothing can stop you. Close calls and near misses become a way of life and you push ever harder trying to find your limits, occasionally finding them but ultimately surviving to tell the tale.

Most of my 20.s and early 30’s were spent this way and only mortgage, marriage and children changed things. But what is a biker without his bike, he is nothing, he is a man on a road to destruction, a house and family are great but not very practical when you want to go out for a ride on your bike. Side cars are crap, they stop the bike from leaning over through bends and the kids would only scream when faced with a car heading straight for them.

Before you know what has happened you are just like everyone else, you now ride to work; you used to work to ride. Motorcycles are an expensive toy and when you have children they have to come first. Home building and raising a family is a challenge, which i failed completely. I abandoned all hope, all the trappings of a happy family life vanished and Vodka became my best friend. Halleluiah

After divorce and losing my home and family i moved to Scotland and began to work hard on self destruction. Its not as easy as it sounds but with hard work and perseverance i was able achieving my goal, smashed every night on cheap Vodka.

One morning whilst driving to work through the 5 or 6 cars that make up rush hour traffic in Kirkcaldy i decided that being behind the wheel after finishing a bottle of vodka only a few hours earlier was perhaps not the smartest thing i had ever done. That evening i bough a mountain bike from Halfrauds and my regeneration began.

Who would have guessed you could get high on endorphins? The seed had been planted and I was soon moving back to England and starting to rebuild my life around sport, mountain bikes took hold and my days were spent looking forward to the evenings and weekend when i would be out with my friends enjoying the country side around the Pennines. Nothing else mattered and nothing was allowed to get in the way of a day out on the bikes. (Sounds familiar)

To my credit i still found time for the occasional pint of larger and nip of Vodka but sport was in my blood and with some guidance from a wonderful woman i met, i was changing my ways.

A knee injury led me to a great phisio who recommend running as a good way to cross train, i had to build up the other muscles in my legs as my quads were comparatively too big. I was probably 14 years old the last time i ran anywhere, some 24 years previously, hence i was not to keen on the idea but like crack cocaine, it only takes one go and you are hooked.

Its an all to common scenario: A person experiments with an addictive drug like running. Perhaps he intends to try it once, for "the experience" of it. It turns out though, that he enjoys the euphoric effect so much that in ensuing weeks and months he does it again -- and again. Nut in due time, he decides he really should quit. He knows that despite the incomparable high he gets from running, the long-term consequences are perilous. So he vows to stop.

His brain however, has a different agenda. It now demands running. While his rational mind knows full well that he shouldn't run quite so much, his brain overrides such warnings. Unbeknown to him, repeated running has brought about dramatic changes in both the structure and function of his brain. In fact, if he'd known the danger signs for which to be on the lookout, he would have realized that the euphoric effect derived from running is itsself a sure sign that the running is inducing a change in the brain -- jyst as he would have known as time passes, he would run with increasing regularity, this change becomes more pronounced, until finally his brain has become addicted.
And so, despite his heartfelt vow never to run again. he contines. Again and again.

Running is now beyond his control. It is compulsive. He is addicted.

Tuesday i was joined by Paul Jackson, Wednesday Chris Armour visited

 and Thursday Leon Hockhem came up from Lincolnshire. These 3 days were the filling in the week long sandwich and i enjoyed them tremendously. Sharing the journey with friends was definitely a good idea.

Friday Chris Rainbow joined Leon and i, we set a gentle pace to the midday meeting point at Ingleby Arncliffe where Leon decided to rest for the afternoon. Chris Rainbow and i pushed the pace a little over a section of the Cleveland Way to Clay Bank Top and arrived a couple of hours early. So we decided to push on for a few more miles and meet up with Debbie and Leon at the Lion Inn on Blakey Road. We ran about 38 miles on Friday leaving only 25 for the final day.

On Saturday Chris, Leon and i ran gently stopping for luch along the way and finished in Robin Hood Bay, the last few miles were strange and my mind started to wonder back to previous years when motorbikes were my life, when i was living the dream.

Over 6 days, with the help of some good friends, i realised i am living the dream once again. I have a purpose, a reason to be here. The woman in my life is my running partner, even though she does not run. We spend our free time in the hills and mountains of Britain, taking on new and exciting challenges together, her presence completes my running.

Life has a balance where family and friends are as important as my running, they all exist together and without each one, life and the dream would not be complete.

Credits:-

Paul Jackson, Chris Armour, Leon Hockhem, Chris Rainbow and Debbie Sullivan. Extra thanks to Leon and Chris’s family who joined us as well. Without all of you this journey would not have been possible.

Redemption

Delirium

 

The High Peak Marathon

The High Peak Marathon is a 42 mile night time navigation challenge for teams of four.

Late December i got the e-mail from the organisers informing me that our team had gotten in, i was very pleased and in my usual obsessive fashion, i set about planning a training regime.

7 reccies in total, including the full section from Cutthroat Bridge to Snake top road twice, once in the dark with Chris R, and once during heavy rain with Ronnie T. The reccies were all good but the most memorable was Bleaklow with Chris A in deep, semi frozen snow at night. We spent 3 hours floundering around in the snow and only managed 7 miles; it was an experience i don’t wish to repeat... ever.

Soon enough the evening of the race came around, i had managed no further than 20 miles in one go but was happy with my fitness. I was lucky enough to pick up a strange groin/stomach injury that my phisio put down weak stomach muscles and scar tissue from previous inguinal hernia surgery. The week stomach muscles were a surprise as they have to work pretty hard to contain my ever growing gut.

The Friday of the race i managed to sneak out of work at lunch time and get a couple of hour’s sleep so i arrived at Edale village hall feeling fresh and ready to go. Impatience and an un-willingness to wait around for kit checks was a sure sign that the nerves were starting and perhaps a sign of things to come.

Our allocated start time was 11.33 and we were off chasing a steady stream of head torches up the first climb to Hollins Cross. I had one eye over my shoulder already watching the team’s starting behind us at one minute intervals. Now i have to say at this point that Chris A, Ronnie and i had talked about a race strategy in the car on the way to Edale, we would go steady for the first 5 hours or so and then pick up the pace and stay strong for the second half of the race.

Of course we stuck with the race plan and set off at a gentle pace, without regard to the steady stream of teams passing us on the first section across Lose hill and Win hill. What we actually did was get wrapped up in a seriously fast pace and chase down as many teams as we could.

As you would expect this strategy paid dividends and we were soon sprinting strongly into the first feed station at Moscar. Of course no one suggested slowing the pace down. Well maybe Chris and Chris had suggested numerous times that Ronnie and i were going way to fast and they may have had a point.

Moscar is only 10 miles from the start and was very crowded with teams cramming in food and drink ready for the 20 mile section over to Snake top road. My groin injury was beginning to hurt and i had a strange burning sensation in the nether region which was worrying. Food was definitely out of the question.

The short road section down to Cutthroat Bridge was a rest and i was sure i would start to feel better, i had gone from feeling happy and full of energy to lousy and tired, my stomach hurt and i was busting for a pee. However, having a pee just made things worse, it felt like i was passing hot water and even afterwards the feeling remained.

We continued on to the next check point at Derwent, i was struggling a little, dropping back all the time, losing the places we had gained earlier and wishing i could shake the feeling of needing a pee. At the Derwent moor check point i stopped for some food and was overcome with the feeling that I couldn't go on. Risking further damage to my groin could spoil the rest of my year.

Unfortunately Chris, Chris and Ronnie came to offer help at the wrong time a got a mouth full of abuse for their troubles. Only 2 hours in and with as much as 9 hours left to go i was done, i made my mind up to quit at the next road crossing. Unfortunately this meant going all the way to Snake top road.

You know you have good friends when they are willing to put up with your moaning and move on like it hadn't happened.

Over the next few miles, we past Lost Lad and continued on to Sheepfold Clough. My team mates did a great job of bringing me round and before i knew it i was feeling strong again. Failing was not going to be an option and i felt stronger as the miles passed.

Around Swains Head Chris A began to feel the early pace and there was some talk of quitting at Snake Top road. Chris is a strong, experienced runner and was just having a tough patch, there was no chance he was going to quit. We eased the pace slightly and by Bleaklow Stones he was moving well again.

The frozen ground made the going good even across the nightmare that is Bleaklow and we made good time between the following 3 check points to Snake Top Road. We were greeted by day light, bright, clear skies and blokes dressed in women’s cloths.... I began to think my 2 hobbies had crossed paths until i realized the check point support crew were in fancy dress. Phew.

Copious amounts of hot tea and Banana’s were consumed, i refilled my water bladder and we were off again, happy in the knowledge that we only had 12 miles (ish) to the finish in Edale.  Featherbed Moss over to Mill Hill is a drag but we were in good spirits and goind well. Even the burning in my nether region was starting to ease.

A few weeks Earlier, Chris R, his brother Den and i had reccied the kinder scout section, it had not gone to plan (despite my extremely competent navigation skills). However Chris R navigated the second Kinder reccie and all went to plan so i was confident he would not allow us to get lost this time.

The last climb was the long drag over Brown Knoll and Chapel Gate to Rushup edge, we were going well and making up places all the time. With only Hollins Cross to go and the final descent into Edale Ronnie decided he had been left out and fell on his dislocated rib. Any ordinary man would have stayed down but Ronnie was soon up on his feet clutching his chest and wheezing as he desperately tried to run and breathe through the pain. That man is a machine.

We made Edale village hall in 10hrs 9 minutes, finishing 10^th overall and thoroughly exhausted, it had been a great experience and i think, with the help of my friends, i may have conquered some demons along the way.